Old Saturday mornings.  Good for washing, housework, baking, nipping to the supermarket and checking out your kit for the afternoon game.

Current Saturday mornings.  You can do all of the above, although nipping out to the supermarket can take a while by the time you’ve queued.  I haven’t been to Sainsbury’s for 3 weeks.  Considering I was in there almost every other day, I’m surprised there hasn’t been an email to say they’ve missed me!  Mind you, neither Ange nor I are catering for matches so that’s left plenty of chicken and pudding rice for others.  Checking kit out is still possible but just to make sure it hasn’t got any dust settling.  Bowls could still be polished if you have them at home.

Norman, Stella and Nadine are keeping up their baking skills.  Jean is practising bowls in the garden and has set Norman a challenge.  Mike C has been out tending his lawn – cutting, spiking and tining.  I gather Trevor is doing something similar at the club this morning.  The Cambridge Park green is going to be in great condition for when we eventually get out there.  Getting impatient now but it’s not due to open for another 4 weeks even if we weren’t in lockdown.

I belong to a few groups on Facebook.  This was posted one of them and thought it might amuse you.

A friend went to Beijing recently (2014) and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.
She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed. Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

“Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

“The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

“The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

“Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

“Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

“Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.”